I can't publicly release the following story without offering a disclaimer: I was used to being in good shape. I was active; I ran, biked, rock-climbed, and did weight training often. However, in November of 2009 I was climbing at a gym in Omaha and fell, the harness caught me but I had extreme lower back pain. It did not go away and so I sought some medical advice.

     I went to a chiropractor, who diagnosed it as a slipped disc. He treated me for a few months, bending and popping and cracking and after a couple of weeks I felt better. So much better, in fact, that I went right out and helped my father-in-law chop down some enormous fir trees, cart those away, and then plant some new saplings. The pain returned, several times what it was before. I went back to the chiropractor, same deal, a few hundred more dollars, and I was ok. Not great, but ok. In December of 2009 we had a Christmas blizzard in Omaha, dropping 2-3 feet of snow in 24 hours. I shoveled, the pain came back. I ignored it, finished the driveway, and went back in for some more Christmas cheer. Be a man, self-medicate, and go see the chiropractor in a few days. The day after Christmas something in my back popped, and the pain in my back curled my legs up underneath me and sent me to the floor.

     Here's the thing I know now, but didn't know then. Chiropractic care is palliative care; that is, it relieves symptoms of an issue but cannot resolve the underlying problems. After an ER trip, and an MRI they found two discs in my back that were moderately arthritic and degraded, one of which had ruptured and the other was herniated. It required surgery, about a month of recovery time, and some major restrictions on my previously active lifestyle. Rather than treating a problem that was clearly worsening over time, I decided to "man up" and fix it later. Now I know that was a mistake.

     I feel that men deal with injury differently, but when it comes to life-changing injuries it largely depends on one's age. Older men tend to be resolved to change their lifestyles, appreciative of a second chance. Younger men, on the other hand, are bitter and resentful, feeling betrayed by their bodies. I was definitely one of the latter. I had several restrictions on physical activities and felt like I'd never be able to get back to where I was. I felt, very simply, that my body had betrayed me or that fate had been unfair. To be clear, my injury was not devastating, but for someone whose body had never failed in that way, I felt like it was. I did not take care of myself, preferring to use the injury as an excuse, rather than a motivation.

    Fast forward a year, 20 lbs., and a new baby, and I began to feel differently. I had nearly constant soreness and stiffness (which I shouldn't have), I was feeling bad about my appearance and emotionally I was tired and tempermental. However, I was worried that I would get an injury again, I would lose even more mobility, and wouldn't be able to play with my daughter or be that active dad for his wife and kids. I was suddenly a lot more interested in getting back in shape and less in feeling sorry for myself. My wife, having just had a child, was also interested in getting in shape. The result? We started doing Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. This was the ultimate exercise in humility for me; a women doing jumping-jacks and hand-weights type of exercise video. A year prior I had made fun of these videos as my wife jumped and punched the air in front of our TV.

     After the first session I was sore for two days. I couldn't walk down stairs without holding the railing. My wife, happily kicking, punching, jumping, and lunging next to me seemed to be blissfully unaware of my discomfort (and so she should, after all of the crap I gave her). The video is essentially circuit training without the equipment, which actually makes the transitions faster and really, in a way, harder. Some of the exercises I can't even do (I tell my wife it's because of my back...but that's not usually the case).

     What I've realized is that all of my preconceptions of 'maleness' and how I should respond to physical activity, exercise, pain and injuries have only done further harm. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but I still fell prey to the kind of blind genderization into which so many men play. Since starting the Shred, I've dropped about 5 pounds and have more energy. I've even gone for a run, which I was told I shouldn't do, but never experienced pain. I'll continue to do the videos (we just recently tried level 2 of 3 levels of difficulty) and try to work back into some of the activities I used to do. Some day I'd love to get back on the rock wall. This time, though, I'll treat my body more as something to be preserved, rather than a nuisance, and I'll never, ever, criticize my wife's exercise videos again.