I’m going to try to make this as non-gross as I can.

I have a severe gag reflex. Anyone else out there knows that this is super hard to control; sometimes you can’t even control it. It can make swallowing pills a battle, being checked for strep throat torture. A lot of people with a bad gag reflex are triggered by gagging noises, vomiting on television, the smell of puke, that sort of thing.

My main trigger—though smell will sometimes do it, too—is visual. When I see vomit, I automatically feel like vomiting. Remember when Lard A** got revenge at the annual Blueberry Festival in Stand by Me? Yeah. I’m like those people.

I’ve been trying to look for a good way to control it because, let’s face it, it’s humiliating. My dentist gets pissed at me when she’s trying to get x-rays and I keep gagging so bad I almost puke. Tonight my cat threw up all over the carpet while I was on the phone, and I’m sure my face was beet red as I alternated between gagging and apologizing profusely to my friend.

Here are a few ways us gaggers can suppress our hellish reflex. Let me know if any of these work for you.

• Smile. I actually learned this one from CSI. Does it work? Eh, I’d say it’s got the same rate as sacrificing a virgin into a Volcano to appease the gods—50-50.
• Stay away from foods that make you gag. That one’s simple enough, but what do you do when someone else is eating them?
• Breathe through your nose. My dentist always tells me to do this. Seeing as I’ve often got a stuffy nose, it’s sometimes difficult and doesn’t always do the trick.
• Try hypnosis or acupuncture. Hey, if it works, why not?
• Squeeze your abs. Sometimes this can help stop gagging.
• Hum a song. It might make it harder to gag.
• Meditate or relax some other way. Some say that a sensitive gag reflex is psychological and might be caused by a traumatizing experience. Try working through the experience with a therapist if you can, or engaging in your relaxation technique of choice.
• Desensitize yourself to the gag reflex. Now this I have to try! Apparently it can be done in a month just by brushing your teeth. To see how, click here.