With all of the anti-bullying talk going around, there needs to be something said about body image and bullying people because of their size. I am so glad that we are engaging in a national conversation about gay kids and attempting to stop bullying directed at them—it’s long overdue and the bullying has to stop. But we also need to realize that there are all different types of people being bullied, which also includes people of varying sizes.

With Michelle Obama’s crusade to wipe out obesity—which is sometimes simply natural, as an occurrence based upon genetics and so many other factors other than the general laziness so many attribute to it—all the rage, it’s easy to see how obese kids are singled out and bullied. Other kids might even feel valid doing it, seeing their parents bully their children (or one another) to lose weight rather than accept them the way they are, which is what we NEED to be teaching in the first place. Yes, encourage healthy eating and exercise—but encourage accepting everyone as they are, too. Stop making fat kids feel like they’re wrong. Believe me, having been one, I know that they already feel as if they should apologize for existing, and that’s what’s wrong.

The same goes for thin kids who are bullied. “Beanpole” and “Skinny Mini” can be just as hurtful as “Wide Load” and “Fatso.” And I can also vouch for the fact that persimmons hurt when they are thrown at you on your way home from the bus stop, no matter what size you are.

Parents need to stop giving their kids nicknames based on their size, too. My husband called our daughter “chicken legs” after she was healthy enough to come home from the hospital because she was so thin as a preemie. “Stop it!” I remember admonishing him. It took me weeks to get him to stop, but when I kept explaining that her body image was important no matter her size, and that his nickname could be very hurtful to her, he finally did. So now when he calls her “booger butt” at age six, I am pretty sure she’s okay with it because of the way she giggles like crazy and calls him one back. And we all have boogers and butts, right?

Of course, I think my nicknames for her—Wood Sprite, little bear, and so many others—are superior. But then again, I think she has more fun with the booger and fart names than my lovingly bestowed ones; maybe she’ll appreciate them more when she is older.

Either way, can’t we all stop trying to change the way our kids look? It’s okay to focus on their health, but size does not mean health at all. Plenty of fat people eat fine and exercise; plenty of thin people don’t and have health problems. And more than 95% of dieters do not lose weight or keep it off—yet it is still prescribed to most fat people! Do you know of any other procedure with such a rate of failure that is so often prescribed?

By accepting our children the way they are while still encouraging them to eat healthy foods and be active, we can prime them for a long, happy life full of healthy habits AND positive body image. Could you imagine what kind of world that would be?