Some people are naturally lucky. They can go all summer without getting a single mosquito bite. No matter where they go—kayaking, hiking, swimming—it seems like they’ve got invisible mosquito netting just keeping them in a buzz-free bubble everywhere.

Then there are the rest of us. You know who you are. You step outside to get the mail and you come back in with seven wallops the size of plums. While everyone is singing along on the hayride you keep time by slapping yourself in perfect rhythm, wiping the guts of many a pest on your jeans. And yes, you’re wearing jeans while everyone else is in shorts because you think it will help—but of course, it never does.

I feel for you. I do, because I’m in the same boat.

This summer I finally got fed up with being “the bumpy person” watching fireworks and decided to see what I could do to keep the bloodsuckers away. Fortunately for me, I came upon several good ideas to try. Be sure to let me know if any of these have worked for you.

Try Citronella: We bought citronella candles to use and I watched in horror as the mosquitoes deftly avoided them and landed on me instead. I’m pretty sure I could hear them laugh at me. I would have had to dip myself in the wax, I think, to discourage them. That said, pure citronella oil rubbed on the skin just might work. Lavender oil might work too.

Use a Fan: Apparently mosquitoes have trouble landing on you if you’re in front of a fan.

Douse Yourself with Soy: Soy oil, that is, which is supposed to be as effective as DEET-containing repellants, according to a new study. DEET, by the way, has been found to interfere with medications and to damage brain cells, so it’s best to stay away from that stuff. Catnip is also supposed to be more effective than DEET, so if you have some already (and if you have cats you should—they love it!), why not try that?

Get them Drunk: I had no idea that spraying your bushes with a mixture of beer, mouthwash and Epsom salts would discourage insects (including mosquitoes) from hanging around. Then again, that doesn’t sound very palatable to me, either.

Ward Off the Vampires: They do suck blood, right? So try some garlic; apparently the little beasts hate it.

And since I’m prone to itching, I was very interested when I heard that natural remedies like soap, banana peels and onions can help soothe mosquito bites, as well.